Pain, heartache, mistreatment, rude comments, being treated like a doormat, being pushed around, being taken advantage of, pointed at, whispered about and made fun of. This is what it is like to be super morbidly obese.

I know. I was there once. After losing more than 260 pounds, by the grace of God I am no longer there, but I coach those who are there. When I hear the depths of abuse they go through I am angry that so-called “family” and “friends” would treat them less than human.


People, all people, have this ability to allow their words to cut through flesh and go directly to the heart and then walk away and pretend all is well. They might even wonder why the other person is depressed or crying.

The next day they walk in and say, “Did you finish my laundry? When are you coming over to clean my house? Where are the brownies from last night? Don’t tell me you ate them all …. again.”

So it starts over and the morbidly person does whatever their “friend” or “family” member wants. The morbidly obese person does whatever someone she loves wants because she feels the only time she gets noticed is when she is a slave to their whims and allows them to use her until there is nothing left.

Quieting the Rage

When they leave the cookies, ice cream, cake and donuts come dancing around, the only things which require nothing of her but seem to quiet the screaming rage she longs to let loose.

When those using her find out she once again binged they demean her saying, “You will never lose weight so, sure just keep eating. You’ll never amount to anything. You are worthless.” They cut her deeper and deeper until she feels only inches tall.

She eats to shut up the angry child within, the one who wants to rage at them. The voice in her head tells her, “Good girls don’t get angry. Good girls are nice. Good girls do what others want them to do. Good girls are people pleasers. And fat girls have to do everything everyone else wants them to do or they will be …. alone.”

Voice of her Heart

In her heart, though there is another voice, the still, small voice, and He gently speaks to her. “Hey, Beautiful One. I see you, the real you, the wonderful woman , a with thoughts and feelings, knowledge and wisdom. She’s the gold inside of you, the person who was buried a long time ago through all the pain and hurts of your life.

“I love you, Beautiful One. I love who you are. I don’t want you used or abused. I want you to love yourself like I love you.”

The Other Voice

In Him she feels safe and secure until her “friend” or “family” member shows up again, snarling, snipping, demanding, ordering. Seeing the dirty dishes in the sink, they once again start telling her how stupid and lazy she is, while setting down three loads of their laundry for her to do.

The voice in her head is pushing her to just not make waves. “You don’t want to be alone. Just do what they say.” The gentle voice in her heart, though, is now thundering through her soul and spirit, “Beautiful One, you worth so much more than all of this.1 You are treasured.2 You are sacred.3 You are Mine.4 Do not allow yourself to be used up for nothing.4

Finding Her Voice

She stands to her feet. Faces them and says, “I am an intelligent, wise and loving woman. Do not speak to me like that. I deserve better. If you cannot speak positive, God-centered words, then I must ask you to leave. You are not helping me. You are hurting me. You are toxic to me when you say these hurtful things to me.”

She holds her breath. Will they stay or leave?

Today, it doesn’t matter because she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt, she has God on her side. He’s all she needs.5

Yes, she knows she’s weak, but that is a really good thing because when she is weak, then she is strong6 and even more beautiful because now she knows. She is never alone because He is always with her.7 He is her everything.8


1 Ephesians 2:10 TPT

2 Malachi 3:17 NIV

3 1 Cor. 3:17 NIV

4 Ephesians 2:10 TPT

5 2 Cor. 12:9 MSG

6 2 Cor 12:10 MSG

7 Joshua 1:9 NIV

8 Philippians 4:19 NIV