I was guilty of continuing to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted even though I was an adult and I knew the ramifications. Most of what I ate was candy, sweet treats and desserts. I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly what I was doing to my body. I was guilty of not doing what God wanted me too and I was ashamed. I lived in my little town of one called sugar shame.
Cognitively, rationally I wanted to change. Emotionally I was carrying so much baggage I was ashamed to admit what I had done. Spiritually I knew I was guilty of not doing what God would tell me every time I prayed about my weight issue. “Stop eating sugar. Stop eating so much bread. Eat more meats, fruits and vegetables.”
I felt this was not possible for me to do. I craved anything made with sugar and/or flour. To not eat those two staple ingredients I was taught always must be in your cabinet, was not even on the doable list.
I would do anything else to lose weight. I’d diet, drink weight loss shakes and pills, eat chicken breast and salad for months and I could lose weight that way. But I felt no one could do that forever and I did not want to give up the foods I grew up with forever. Hence I felt guilty and ashamed.
Guilt and shame are not motivational. They only drag me down. They make me want to stop living instead of encouraging me to live.
1 Cor. 6:12 NASB tells us, “All things are lawful for me but not all things are profitable (or beneficial). All things are lawful for me but I will not be mastered by anything.”
When I am enslaved to anything contrary to God’s best for my life, I am controlled or mastered by it. It becomes an “evil” in my life, a stronghold which I have allowed entrance.
Praying for God to deliver us from this evil only works if we are willing to surrender whatever our temptation is and no longer allow it entrance into our lives. When we close the door and say, “No,” that is the start of our turn around moment. In other words, it only works if we are willing to humble ourselves to God and resist the devil.
James 4:7-10 NLT says it this way, “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.”
I come close to God. When I wash my hands of the old lifestyle and begin to purify my heart by the washing of the water of the word of God, pouring in His words into my life, my loyalty to God becomes stronger and the pull of what I want becomes less. This is a process, though it must start with an honest surrender time.
In repentance I must cry out to God. I physically felt the impact of what I had done to my body. It almost made me sick to think about it. I grieved for what I had done. I felt like David who said in Psalm 51:10-12 TPT
“Start over with me, and create a new, clean heart within me. Fill me with pure thoughts and holy desires ready to please You. May there never be even a shadow of darkness between us. May You never deprive me of Your Scared Spirit. Let the passion of my life be restored tasting joy in every breakthrough You bring me. Give me more of Your Holy Spirit-wind so that I may stand strong and true to You.”
16-17: “The source of Your pleasure is not in my performance or the sacrifices I might offer to You. The fountain of Your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before You. You will not despise my tenderness as I humbly bow down at Your feet.”
“Jesus, I come to you once again broken and needing to be mended. I hand You all the things I have willfully kept for myself and have refused to surrender to You. I am sorry for not listening to You and trusting You to guide me. Take my shattered heart and make it new and clean. We trust You now and always.”