Weighty Marriage Issues
If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this lifelong journey of weight gain and weight loss it is that I cannot lose weight for someone else. I can only do it for me. We can’t lose weight for our husbands. It has to be for us. We have to want it for ourselves.
Recently I listened to a sermon by a Missouri pastor who essentially said if husbands stray it’s because their wives have gained weight or as he said, “have let themselves go.”
His premise was that men are visual and they want to desire their wives but they can’t if they aren’t slim and trim like our former first lady. He even put a picture of her on the screen during his sermon. I was livid and it took me a while to come down off my soap box.
When I weighed 430 pounds, I used to think if I lost weight my husband would love me more. The problem really wasn’t that He wanted me to lose weight, it was that I felt so bad about myself that I was sure he didn’t want me or one day wouldn’t want me. I also thought I wasn’t a good wife because I was so overweight. I was unhappy with myself.
But even with all those thoughts and even though I loved my husband, Every time I tried to lose weight for him I failed. When it was for him if he didn’t applaud my weight loss I would quit and throw in the towel.
There’s a lot to said about motivations to lose weight. We have to care enough about ourselves to want to become healthy in every area—spiritually, emotionally, mentally and last of all physically.
Proverbs 31:30 TPT says, “Charm can be misleading, and beauty is vain and so quickly fades but this virtuous woman lives in the wonder, awe, and fear of the Lord. She will be praised throughout eternity.”
Thankfully the pastor that preached this dreadful sermon has been put on leave by His denomination and is in forced professional counseling. The denomination also said his views were not the views of that denomination.
His sermon really triggered me to go back to that book I wrote in 1995, 199 Ideas and Suggestions to Love and Respect Your Husband. It also made me start thinking anew about writing a marriage memoir.
When we were chatting about the sermon, I asked my husband if he thought a man was mainly visual. He said that the visual is important to men, but more than that he pointed to a man’s deep desire for valor. Although the dictionary says the definition of valor is “strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness,” to Roy valor is mainly keeping his promises, protecting his family, being the one who provides.
In talking about this particular sermon he pointed out that for a man valor means staying with his wife no matter what she or he is going through. This is the reason, I dedicated my first book to “my husband, who has loved me through thick and thin, more of the former than the latter.”
This is really where commitment comes into play in a marriage when a man will stay with you and care about you no matter what you weigh or what you are struggling with. Sure we’ve had our ups and downs but we have learned how to harmonize with each other, which is a form of submission that has worked for us.
In my podcast episode called Weighty Marriage Issues, I talk about this and give 10 tips for ways wives can love and respect their husbands.
If you want to listen to the sermon I mentioned, find it on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TeresaShieldsParker.
Overcomers Christian Weight Loss Academy link: https://TeresaShieldsParker.com/overcomers/
One-On-One Coaching link: https://TeresaShieldsParker.com/Vip-freedom-coaching/
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