River sat down and put his arm around Billy’s shoulder, and said, “My strong friend, I know one thing for sure. God, doesn’t want you to continue to carry the burden of the deaths of your dad and sister. It was not your fault at all. They drowned in a crazy accident.
Then, you took care of your mom until the memory of her husband and daughter’s deaths took her, too. However, God has different plans for you now. Are you willing to find out what they are?” Billy drew a deep breath and slowly nodded his head in agreement.
“Look at me, my friend. This next step is going to take some effort on your part. OK?” River said as Billy agreed. River explained. “I want you to find something out here in this big back yard that reminds you of your dad, and then something else that reminds you of your sister. It can be anything, a rock, stick, weed, piece of something, a sound, a picture. Just anything.
“I want you to get up from this bench, take a walk, and look around. I want you to think about the man your dad was, and the little girl your sister was. Then, choose something that every time you see it or hear it, it will remind you of them. It doesn’t have to be something you hold in your hand. It just needs to be something that every time you see it or hear it, it reminds you of them.”
Billy was sad, as sad as River had ever saw him. But River also knew Billy had to have a starting point to bring him out of the funk and fear he was allowing to imprison him. River hiimself knew from the experience of losing his parents that this next thing might take some effort on Billy’s part.
So, he explained. “I want you to find something out here in this big back yard that reminds you of your dad, and then something else that reminds you of your sister. It can be anything, a rock, stick, weed, piece of something, a sound, a picture. Just anything.
“I want you to get up from this bench, take a walk, and look around. I want you to think about the man your dad was, and the little girl your sister was. Then, choose something that every time you see it or hear it, it will remind you of them. It doesn’t have to be something you hold in your hand. It just needs to be something that every time you see it or hear it, it reminds you of them.”
River knew this activity was a good starting point for his friend to finally come out of the pain he was in. As Billy roamed around the yard, River was praying for God to take over and intervene to help his friend and brother overcome what the enemy was trying to do.
River’s prayer went something like this, “Jesus, help him. Don’t let him stay captive to what the enemy has been trying to do to him for way too many years.” He prayed that over and over again until Billy came back and sat down on the bench with him. His hands were empty, but River could tell there was something different about him.
He waited until his buddy started talking. “I didn’t find physical things to hold in my hands that reminded me of Dad and Sissy,” he said. “But I saw and heard a lot that reminded me of both of them. Sissy loved the outdoors, and so did Dad. That’s one reason why I chose the riverboat cruise for my birthday. It was because I wanted them to be in the outdoors that they loved.
“Dad loved to hear real sounds of cows mooing, birds calling to each other, the bubbling sound a creek makes as it tumbles over the rocks. Small things like that, seemed to energize him. He would have loved sitting in this back yard because he didn’t just love nature, he craved it.
“Sissy loved flowers, but she didn’t like for people to cut them down and take them inside. She loved things like that bunch of Easter lilies over there,” Billy said pointing to a large group of the yellow and white flowers. “If she were here, she’d be over there sitting with the flowers. She wouldn’t pull them up or bring them inside. She’d leave them be and try to just become one with them.”
For the first time River ever remembered, he saw tears falling from Billy’s eyes. He had seen his friend’s eyes turn moist at times, but this time he could have reached out and touched the tears.
“Tell me what you’re feeling,” the pastor encouraged the big man.
“I think for the first time since they’ve been gone, I am sincerely missing them,” Billy said truthfully. “Not in a sad way, but in a joyful way of remembering how awesome they both were. I will always miss them.
“But now I when I think about them, I will remember the beautiful and glorious things about them. For a long time, ever since I was nine, I have been mourning them. Sadness is always part of death. I know that, but the people we love wouldn’t want us to be sad and crying all the time when we remember them. They would want us to think of positive things when we remember them.”
He smiled at River and said, “From now on I will be able to do that. Thanks, my friend!”
Excerpt taken from “Redefining Jayne: Stepping Into Purpose” by Teresa Shields Parker.
Teresa Shields Parker is a Christian weight loss author, coach, podcaster, and speaker, who has lost 250 pounds and kept it off since 2013. Her books include: “Reconnecting Jayne: Her Sister’s Support,” “Rebuilding Jayne: Her Father’s Protection,” “Sweet Grace: How I Lost 250 Pounds and Stopped Trying to Earn God’s Favor,” “Sweet Grace Study Guide,” “Sweet Victory: Winning the Battle,” “Sweet Surrender: Breaking Strongholds,” “Sweet Journey to Transformation: Practical Steps to Lose Weight and Live Healthy”, “Sweet Freedom: Losing Weight and Keeping It Off With God’s Help,” “Sweet Freedom Study Guide,” “Sweet Change: True Stories of Transformation,” “Sweet Hunger: Developing an Appetite for God,” and “Sweet Excuses: Stop Lying to Yourself & Start Losing Weight.” She also offers Overcomers Christian Weight Loss Academy and VIP intensive coaching. Don’t miss her weekly podcast, Sweet Grace for Your Journey, where she shares tips from her personal journey of losing weight and discovering healthy living. Contact her at [email protected].