Ever feel discouraged, hopeless, lost, defeated, frustrated on your journey, whatever your journey looks like? If so, this prayer I wrote is just for you.
As you know, my journey is about walking in wholeness—body, soul and spirit. That includes maintaining my physical health and weight, being attentive to and patient with my emotional needs, guarding my mind and thoughts and walking spiritually in alignment with my God.
So now, let me pull back a corner of the curtain of my life and share a prayer I found I saved in my journal. This wasn’t all that long ago. I just want you to know that no human is perfect, especially not me. We all have days that are worse than others.
When I have those terrible, no good, very bad days, I try to remember to talk to God. Many times my sessions with Him turn into times of writing what He is saying or showing me. I often don’t share these, but today I felt you needed to hear this. I know I needed to read it again. Listen with your heart.
I come to You a mess, emotions, frustrations too close to the surface, like a volcano ready to erupt. I want to cry, but the tears won’t come.
I want You to take care of me, calm me, soothe me, make my mind stop spinning and capture these wayward ridiculous thoughts. Corral them like wild horses. Sort them out and keep only the ones worth investing my time in.
I attempt to come into Your Light a bold, brave and bright adult like I’ve always seen You.
Instead, I am a toddler being lifted into my Grandma’s generous lap as she pulls me close into a prolonged, steady hug that engulfs all of me. And I cry tears of joy just to be back in her presence again.
Then in her raspy voice as she still holds me tight, I hear her heart’s steady beat as she rocks me in time with her song.
“Just a closer walk with Thee. Grant it Jesus is my plea. Daily walking close to Thee. Let it be, Dear Lord, let it be.”
In an instant I am transported to the small house on Spencer street where I grew up. I am twirling with my mother in the kitchen. She repeats the song, not in the slow rhythm of Grandma, but in her own stacatto style making it easy for her to dance a jitterbug step while spinning me around.
All of a sudden she lifts me up and lets me go. I go flying through the sky into the heavens.
I am soaring on the sound of the music.
It’s music that is being sung by the voices of all the women who have mothered me down through the ages. One by one their faces flash before by eyes.
I am happy and sad at the same instant.
All of these women who have molded me in Your image. From them I choose all the wisdom, strength, comfort and peace they have learned from walking close to You. They guide me on my journey even still today for they are a part of me.
I am reminded again how You are displayed in those who guide no matter how godly or imperfect they are.
Then my head stops spinning in endless cycles as I tap into Your unlimited grace to help me walk my journey. I am a limited being made limitless by and through Your grace, power and love.
When I feel life is hard, You understand completely. You have never lost me. You know exactly where I am. You know how to get me to where I need to go if I will simply follow You.
I am not alone. I do not have to figure anything out on my own. You are always with me.
Standing in Your presence, I feel the wind of Your grace at my back. It blows strength into every part of my being. I can do the impossible with You. I can overcome the things that seem to zap my energy and initiative. I can do all things with, by and through Your strength.
Your anointing overtakes me and I fall to the ground prostrate before the holiness of You.
And once again I surrender everything. Everything I am I place on the altar before all that You are.
Then, I feel it, the relieving flood as I let go completely. I am undone in Your perfect presence.
And it’s still raining tears.