Many times, when God wants to tell us something, we are afraid of what He will say. I was listening to a training session where a coach was telling her client to ask God what felt to me like a scary question. The minute I heard the question, I felt like someone hit me in the stomach.
No way would I ask God that question. It scared me to death because I could just imagine what He could say to me. I didn’t want to hear what I felt was the truth about myself.
I had already lost 250 pounds by this time, but I had just hit that mark and I had not had time to accept the fact that I was living in an entirely different body and actually following God in a way I hadn’t for years. But this question felt like something God wanted me to ask Him because He wanted to tell me something important. I was still reluctant because I was afraid of what He might say to me.
Compensating for My Weakness
It felt like all of my adult life I had been trying to compensate for my weaknesses of overeating and gaining a tremendous amount of weight. I thought I could make up for my utter failures by working harder, doing more tasks which I dubbed “kingdom work.” What I was really to do was work harder to be noticed by the Almighty. Yes, I admit it. I thought I could earn brownie points with God.
I knew this wasn’t how God operated, but I still felt like I had to do something, I just didn’t think I could do the one thing God wanted from me which was to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. So because I didn’t think I could do that, I’d try to approach things from a different angle.
Cognitively, the adult me knew I couldn’t earn God’s favor. I knew that His grace saved me and that it is always freely given no matter what I’ve done or not done. However, there was still a part of me that said, “Have I done enough to be called your daughter, God?”
I Have To Know His Answer
When I heard the question I panicked. I was sure whatever God wanted to tell me when I asked the question wouldn’t be good. Even though I knew my sins had been removed as far as the east is from the west as Psalm 103:12 NLT says, I still believed they were a part of me. It was really hard to understand that to God they are gone. And yet on another level, the question was gnawing at me and had to know His answer.
The message I was listening to was supposed to be helping me understand who I really am to God. Finally, I couldn’t take it any more. I stopped the recording. I felt like I would die if I didn’t take the plunge and ask God what felt like a huge question. I wanted to know, but I didn’t. You know that feeling where it feels like you are standing on the edge of the rest of your life and this one step will define everything?
When I ask Him the question and He answered me, everything changed in my life.I share the specific question, how God answered me and how you can do the same on Episode 70 of Sweet Grace for Your Journey Podcast: The Big Question. Check it out HERE.