“I want!” We learn those words early. We also learn that sometimes what we want is not what satisfies and so we just stop wanting and go with impulses which aren’t based on anything but a whim.
It’s like the child who can’t decide what she wants to eat when at a restaurant. She finally makes a decision, but by the time the food gets there, her wanter has changed and she wants something else.
Many of us are like that with our lives. We decide we want one thing and then when we get it we think that’s not what we wanted at all. It’s enough to make us decide not to decide. Or to decide we will never “want” anything again because we might decide wrong.
I Can’t Want It For You
When I went on my weight loss journey more than 12 years ago, I had to decide what I wanted. My mentor said to me, “I can’t want this for you more than you want it for yourself.”
It was really his way of saying, “I am way more invested in your success than you are so get on board with me.”
I had to get my own wanter. I couldn’t use his. His wouldn’t work for me. The problem was my wanter had to undergo a transformation itself before I could undergo one.
The Problem With My Wanter
The problem was definitely with my wanter. I had a lot of things I wanted but they were in conflict with each other. I wanted my cake (weight loss) and I wanted to eat it too (the literal cake).
I wanted to be slim and healthy and I wanted to eat anything I wanted anytime I wanted.
I wanted energy and stamina so I do something worthwhile with my life and I wanted to nap or shop all day.
I wanted clarity of mind and intentional focus and I wanted to mindlessly watch television or get lost in a meaningless fiction novel of some kind, preferably with some kind of romance, verging on the steamy side.
My wanter was sort of like Paul described. “I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.”1
I had fallen into habits that now were so programmed in me, they became what I thought I wanted and therefore did.
In reality I didn’t really want food to control me and cause me to constantly eat and overeat. It had just been my way of handling stress for so long, I had no concept of how to change.
I really didn’t want to be unproductive all day, but making a choice to do something else seemed to require too much energy to change. I had no energy because I was gaining weight faster than the bullet train because I was eating whatever my wanter wanted.
I really didn’t want to fill my mind with negativity, but to make an effort to do anything else was just too exhausting to think about.
Lies and Excuses
I had bought into the devil’s lies about myself. Things like being an adult means I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I can eat as much candy as I want. I can eat as much dessert as I want. I’m not fat. I’m just big boned. It’s not my fault I’m fat. God just made me this way. I can’t lose weight anyway, so why try? I hate exercise. That’s for the athletic types.
When a cardiac surgeon told me I only had five years to live if I didn’t lose weight, I began to understand that all the lies I believed were just excuses to indulge in selfish desires.
“If anyone wishes to follow Me as My disciple, he must deny himself, set aside selfish interests, and take up his cross daily, expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come, and follow Me, believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me.”2
This sounds so ridiculous for me to say right now, but I’m just going to put it out there and be transparent. When I weighed 430 pounds suffering for me was not being able to eat the wonderful desserts and homemade breads I loved. Dying would be living my life without those things.
The comfort foods I loved had become my life. Lying in that hospital bed after the surgeon had given me the news, I realized I had a choice. Live without those addictive foods or continue eating them and die.
What Do I Want?
In that moment, I began to reprogram my wanter. I realized I wanted to live to grow old with my husband. I wanted to live to see my children graduate high school and college, get their first jobs, get married and do all the awesome things I knew they would do.
I wanted to hold the next generation and impart blessings to them. I wanted to write books that mattered. I wanted to share the love of God with others. I wanted to be a living example of the overcoming power of the Holy Ghost.
With each new want, faith and grace surged into every part of my being. It would be a long journey but it started with rebuilding my wanter and beginning to envision the destiny God has for me.
I began doing weight loss coaching for one reason, to help you reach the destiny God has for you. I know you have a destiny call on your life, but I also know there is an enemy whose mission is “to steal, kill and destroy”3 your destiny.
Don’t let him. Allow God to move you forward in His Kingdom purposes. Work with me for six months and discover energy, stamina, clarity, focus, health and yes, weight loss.
#KickWeight will get you there. Click HERE for all the information and to join. Hurry, the first teaching video is already posted, but I’m keeping the doors open just for you. Let’s #KickWeight together.
1Romans 7:19 NLT
2Luke 9:23 AMP
3John 10:10 NIV